I also got through an intense work out. I got this from Self magazine, it's called interval training. You work at a steady moderate pace while adding in short bursts of intense working out. If you want to really sweat then give this work out a try. The intensity is measured on a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 being hardly strenuous and 10 being incredibly intense. First, Warm up for 5 minutes at level 4 or 5. Go faster for 2 minutes, working at level 6 or 7; then recover for 4 minutes at your slower pace. Repeat the entire 6-minute cycle twice for a total of 3 times. Cool down for 2 minutes at level 3 or 4. Let me tell you something by the time this was done I was pouring sweat. It was a really good workout without it being too tough and it burns calories. According to their website, I just burned 780 calories compared to 511 at a steady pace.
Spring break for me is next week and I can't wait. I really need a break.
- Mood:
mellow
"They pick me apart and tell me everything I'm doing wrong in my life, they have certain standards and protocols that are out of date that they expect everyone to follow, I can never fully be myself around them and I hate it! If they died tomorrow, I really don't think I would care. I would feel bad for my mother but I sure wouldn't be sad"
My Grandfather is at Bloomington Hospital because he had to have heart surgery. I saw him today in the critical care unit. He was hooked up to all kinds of machines. He looked thin and frail and could hardly talk because he was so weak. To me he looked like he could die tomorrow.
Guess what? I care. I care plenty.
I could only see him for five minutes and for the first time in my life, I wish it was more. It killed me to see him there. Even though he's nearly 90, I have always seen him very active. Before all this, he had a job, he worked around the house and went out to see friends and family. Now, he's in a hospital bed, his life hanging by a thread. It really breaks my heart to see him like that. What's worse is that my grandmother is woman of action (sound familiar?) and is staying by his bedside for 10 to 12 hours a day. She's really wearing herself out but that's not what concerns me. What concerns me is what's going on inside. I can hear her heart breaking and there's nothing I can do to put it back together. Just today, I offered to come over to her house and make her some dinner so she could have a small break and maybe have some company in that big, empty house. She told me that she didn't want me to come over because one, she's too tired for company and two, she hardly eats. but I knew those weren't the reasons that she didn't want me over. She's hurting and she wants to hurt alone.
I feel like that I could lose my grandparents within the next year, and I have never been more sad. I've come to accept this but it really hurts. Only recently have I begun to understand them. I'm very much like my grandmother. We're both Passionate, caring and have a lust for life. My mother used to say that my grandfather was like a river narrow but deep. I think that's him perfectly. My childhood memories are always of him trying to get my sisters and I to eat a lot at dinner because he was a child of the Great Depression. He wanted to give us something he never had as a kid: lots of good food. Neither of them made it very obvious but in their own ways they loved their family. So very, very much.
They're not young. I knew this day would come but It feels like it came to soon. I'm bracing myself for the worst in my head. I don't want to eat, the stress won't let me. I want to shut down and revert into my world, but I won't let myself. I will not let the stress get the better of me. I will not let my depression take over my life again. What I need to do now is concentrate on today and tomorrow, I will concentrate on tomorrow.
- Mood:
depressed
"Thanks a lot, Asshole!" and stormed to the nearest teller and demanded to close my checking account.
"I'm moving to another bank, one that cares about it's customers!" I was shouting. I was really making a scene.
My husband pleaded with me not to do it but I didn't listen until he walked away from me. I told them not to close my account and followed him out. He got me home and managed to calm me down. I was shaky, crying and wailing about how I ruined everyone's lives. He was telling me that I didn't ruin anything, they can still get their house loan (My mom, stepfather and two stepbrothers are moving to Michigan) their interest rate would just be higher. He tried to get me to eat because I was shaking but I told him I was too upset. I finally calmed down enough to get some lunch.
After watching a couple of episodes of Spongebob Squarepants (laugh all you want, I think the show is awesome) I began to reflect how awful I was to those people at the credit union. I work in customer service and I didn't really want this over my head. I felt I had to cleanse my Karma and make things right. so I called them up and apologized for being so rude. I told them I wasn't leaving, I let my emotions get the better of me, they were actually a very good bank and to extend my apologies to anyone I may have hurt. I guess Karma really does exist because once I did that she told me some ways that they can fix the black mark and Eventually, she said, it'll go away. I passed everything along to my mother, who was very grateful for the information.
As if this day couldn't suck worse, I gained three pounds this week. I've been following the plan and I've been hitting the gym hard so I've concluded that the weight gain is probably muscle because my pants feel loose when they fit before. I know that when I weigh in again next week, the scale will probably show that I've lost a lot of weight. Right now, I just want to hide under the covers of my bed until this day ends.
- Mood:
drained
I was watching a show called The truth about food on the discovery health channel and they did an experiment on a man to see if eating dairy will actually help you lose weight. First the man ate a diet high in dairy the first 2 weeks and then the next 2 weeks he ate a diet low in dairy. The man ate the same number of Calories and fat, the only difference was the amount of calcum. Then they had him collect his waste (YUCK!) to see how much fat the body was excreting. The scientists found that the waste from the high dairy diet had twice as much fat in it than the waste with the low dairy diet. They say how it works is when the calcium is in the small intestines the fat binds to it and the body flushes the Calcium-fat out of the body. But they said that the dairy has to be lowfat or fat free in order for it to be beneficial. Seeing that, I started to add more dairy to my diet. Just this morning I had a Cup and a Half of Mixed Berries (Worth 1 1/2 Points) and mixed in with it in a bowl one individual container of Fat Free Vanilla Flavored Yogurt (1 Point). It was filling, delicious and only 2 1/2 points. I'm also going to start adding String cheese to my snacks and putting more low fat cheese in my meals. I hate milk but since I like cereal with milk I may start having more cereal in the mornings too.
- Mood:
happy
The last two weeks of my life have been very dramatic. First my pregnant older sister was ordered to be put on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy because her blood pressure was high and the baby wasn't growing as fast as they would have liked. Everything seemed fine until 2 weeks ago sunday when they put her in the critical care unit. The baby's heartbeat was looking erratic and it was cause for concern. The doctors decided to keep her in the critical care unit and constantly monitor the baby's heart rate. They told her that they would have to do a C section very soon and since the baby is only 22 weeks the chances for survival are 50%.
On that very same sunday, my grandfather was admitted to the hospital. They found that he had pneumonia, administered some antibiotics and told him he would need to stay overnight in the hospital. Everything seemed fine until the next day when his blood sugar shot up (He's a diabetic). The doctors gave him 24 units of insulin but it still wouldn't go down. When my mother told me all this I collapsed. I really fell apart. I was so afraid that by friday, we would be having two funerals in our family and I just couldn't handle that. I was hurt and yet despite all of this, I refused to let myself stress eat. It was the only good thing about the day.
My husband called my Mother-in-law, who is very spiritral and told her everything that was going on. She prayed for both of them with me and added me to her e-mail prayer chain. That made me a lot better as I tried to pray myself but all I could think was "Why, God Why!?!?" I have never felt so helpless in all my life. I'm a woman of action and I felt I had to do something. Shrink myself down and pump the baby's heart from the inside, remove my pancreas and give it to my pappaw, something, anything. It killed me to not be able to do anything but sit on the sidelines and pray.
But that's what every single family member and their friends did. The next day the baby's heart beat stabilized but on thursday, they had to do a C section. It was a beautiful baby girl whom my sister and brother-in-law named Faith Marie. The doctors said that not only did they successfully incubate her but when they pulled her out, she cried- a very good sign. She's at Riley hospital, one of the best children's Hospital in the country so I know she's in good hands. I plan to visit my brand new baby niece on sunday.
As for my pappaw, by the next day the doctors finally did manage to get his blood sugar down even though they said he might've had a small heart attack due to the high blood sugar. My mom said that when she went to visit him in the hospital, he was looking very healthy. The doctors transferred him to Bell Trace Nursing Home so that way he can start learning to do things on his own again such as dressing and feeding himself and also to learn to take better care of his blood sugar.
God definitely works in mysterious ways. I have been taking him for granted, not reading my Bible and praying as often as I should have. Then he comes along and pulls these two miracles and I remember why I follow him. Because he is a god who listens, cares and can make things happen. I feel that my faith in him is much stronger. I plan to go to church on sunday just to say thank you and start rekindling my relationship with him.
You would have thought that all the stress would have made me gain weight, as I am a stress eater but it didn't. Since my last post I have lost 12 pounds. I may have lost more weight because of the stress but I feel really good. So far I've lost 21 pounds. I'm on my way to my next reward. My mother even said that when I get to 25 pounds she's going to buy me a new outfit which is good cause my clothes are starting to hang on me. I pulled out a pair of jeans that I haven't worn since my gallbladder surgery two years ago because they no longer fit. I put them on and they fit perfectly. It felt so good to be able to wear clothes that were once too small for me. It felt like a big accomplishment. But it's also made me more determined to lose more weight so I'm not getting comfortable.
- Mood:
relieved
Speaking of Confessions of a Carb Queen, I loved this book. If you want to read an inspirational story about a woman's struggle with weight loss and food addiction then go out and get this book. I found myself identifying with her on many moments. In the beginning, she talks about having dinner with a friend and not eating much to show her friend that she's being "good" then running off to a McDonald's afterward so she can binge eat. I used to do that before I ate out with friends and especially family. My family constantly worried about my weight so I would fill up at the drive thru and then when I visited them, I wouldn't eat much. She also talks about when she goes to rice diet clinic in NC, she's pacing up and down badly needing a food fix. When I first started out, I was feeling the same thing. I was eating at home but I've had sleepless nights where I just want to pull into the drive thru and get a big mac, large fries and 3 cookies. I found her journey inspiring and makes me want to stick with my diet all the more
I didn't go to the gym as much as I should have this week. Probably because of my PMS symptoms. I've had zero energy all week and it's getting to be enough. I went to planned parenthood on tuesday and asked for the kind of pills that will allow me to skip my period. I start this sunday and it can't get here soon enough.
I volunteer for a community radio station in my town called WFHB. While I do some music radio shows such as subsituting for The Jazz Suite and once a Month on Beat Party. I spend most of my time working a show called BloomingOUT. A radio talk show that talks about news and events related to the gay community. I am HUGE gay rights activist so I love working on this show. Anyway, we decided to step it up a notch and have the world be able to see our interviews so check it out and enjoy.
- Mood:
sick
I overdid it at the gym. I'm not in a lot of pain but I do know that I'll be feeling it tomorrow.
This is a little off topic but I thought this was cool. I was watching Ellen DeGeneres's talk show and she had a on a kid, only 11 years old who's trying to get a law changed in Florida. See he was eating at a buffet with his family and he asked one of the employee's where all the old food goes. The employee said in the trash. When the kid asked why not donate it? the employee said that if they did that and someone got sick, the restaurant would be held liable. So now he's working with a lawyer to make it so that if a restaurant did do that they wouldn't be held liable. I thought that was so inspiring. 11 years old and already trying to change the world. I wish that kid the best of luck with his cause.
- Mood:
sore
I weighed in today and I lost 6.4 pounds bringing my total weight loss to 9.4 pounds. Just a little more than half a pound away from my first reward. I even know which book I'm going to pick out too. I was torn between I am America (and So Can You) by Stephen Colbert or Confessions of a Carb Queen By Susan Blech. I am a big Stephen Colbert fan but at the same time I love biographies or any part of a human story. In the end, I chose Blech's book and I'm looking forward to getting it next week.
My husband plans to celebrate Winter-een-mas this weekend. For those of you who don't know, Winter-een-mas is a holiday created by Ethan one of the charicters in Tim Buckley's Web Comic Ctrl+ Alt+ Del The comic is for the most part gaming related so the holiday is basically a gamer's holiday. How do you celebrate Winter-een-mas? By Gaming, Gaming, and Gaming. My husband already has several games that he wants me to play with him on the computer and on our Wii. At first I was hesitant to join him because while gaming, My husband and I would pound down several kinds of fatty snacks such as potato chips or pizza rolls. But my husband encouraged me to look for plan friendly snacks we can both enjoy. I was skeptical but I found 4 kinds of snacks. So now, even though I'm not much of a gamer,I plan to join him in the Winter-een-mas fun.
That's all for now. Happy Winter-een-mas to all and to all a good game.
- Mood: content
I know I keep saying it but it's true, I've never felt so good! I have a lot more energy than I've had in a while. My depression and bad eating habits usually sucked away all the energy that I had so it's nice to not always be tired. I feel healthy and all round good. Plus, I have a lot more self confidence about myself and my husband says it really shows.
Tonight is the anniversary of when my husband and I started dating 11 years ago. We met in the second grade when our teacher was handing out stickers and I took a bugs bunny sticker that he wanted. He tried to get me to give to him but I wouldn't. Then we started talking about cartoons in general and then by the end of the day, we were best friends. Five years later in middle school, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Over the next few years, we broke up twice and got back together. Our senior year of high school, he asked me to marry him and I accepted but we were going to different schools and so we knew our wedding would be a while away. When our plans changed we set the date of June 9, 2007. We got married and the rest is history. We didn't know what we were going to do on this date. We always celebrated it as a kind of anniversary, but now that we have our wedding anniversary, it didn't seem as important. But my husband is the sentimental type so he wants to something special. So tonight we're going to applebee's to eat. This works out great because they have something he'll eat and I can stay on plan with their weight watcher's meals.
You know what real confidence booster is? Dance around to Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" and believe those lyrics are about you. You'll feel like supermodel.
- Mood:
Sexy
Well, tomorrow is the big weigh in day. I'm actually looking forward to it because I'm very confident that I lost weight. I put on a pair of jeans that were a little tight and today they fit a little better. I like looking at mirrors and looking at my body. I haven't felt this good about myself for a very long time. It's huge feeling that makes me motivated to stay on plan.
Today I made up a list of rewards when I hit a weight loss goal. My reward plan looks like this.
10 Pounds- Buy a new book
25 Pounds- Buy a new Barbie Doll for my collection
32 Pounds (This is 10% of my starting weight which is the first weight loss goal in the weight watchers program and to celebrate they give you a bronze key chain)- Get a massage
50 Pounds - A trip to a day spa
75 Pounds- A nice overnight stay in Indianapolis (I live an hour away from there)
100 Pounds- A Trip to Las Vegas
My goal weight- A Trip to Ireland, Scotland and England
It was really hard for me to come up with rewards for myself that weren't food related. I always used food as a way to reward myself for doing something good. I also used to comfort myself when I had a bad day, to calm me down when I was angry, and something to do when I was bored.
This past week I made me really think about about my eating habits and how I use food. Clinical Depression can bring along many other psyhological disorders. For me, it was anxiety. At one point I was depressed and indifferent about my life at the same time I was constanly stressed out because I was afraid of thunderstorms, elavators, driving in unfamilar places, electrical sockets, money, being evicted, being fired, and the dangers of the outside world. Most of my fears had very little merit but I worried about all those things intensely every second every day I was awake. It made me very stressed and I turned to large amounts of fast food and greasy take out to comfort me. Pretty soon, it became a habit. Three years ago, I remember more than once ordering a large stuffed crust pizza from pizza hut and eating 6 out of the 8 pizza slices then going to steak n Shake (where my husband worked at the time) and having a large steakburger.
Weight Watchers is showing me how to eat like a normal human being after eating like that for 5 years and it has been tough. Even now I still want to go to McDonald's order a Large Big Mac meal and wash it down with 2 cheesy gordita crunches from taco bell but I try to fight it by writing, reading a book or magazine, or playing a game (I Love World Of Warcraft!). I'm really proud of myself for sticking with the program and not giving in my unhealthy urges. I feel like I've won this battle and pretty soon, I'm going to win the war.
- Mood:
accomplished
I exercised yesterday and I woke up kind of tired and my body aching a little. It has been a long time since I last went to gym but I plan to give my body some time to recover and go back tomorrow. When I went in yesterday. I never had so much fun. I got on the stationary bike and listen to some tunes. I sang silently and even moved my body a little to the music. I never had so much fun at the gym before. Those 30 minutes just flew by and it made me want to come back.
I'm feeling confident as it closer to my meeting and weigh in. I really do believe that I've lost some weight. Si far, I've found the plan very easy to follow and I'm enjoying making the food that goes along with it, although it helps that I love to cook. Even my Husband will eat what I make sometimes and he's a picky eater. He will not eat Veggies, certain fruits, fat free products and sugar substitutes. I have got him to eat wheat instead of white bread. 1% milk instead of 2% milk and Juice instead of Kool Aid. I figure that I can't change his eating habits but I can get him change what he will eat. The day before I made some chicken Parmigiana from a weight watchers recipe and he loved it so much he had seconds. I cooked it with some Whole wheat spaghetti so it was a nice filling meal. I thought that it was such a big hit with my husband that I want to share with you folks who might want to eat a little healthier. You can also find other recipes at www.allrecipes.com and look in their Healthy living section. If you look at the corner then you see the nutritional value at the bottom right corner. Also www.weightwatchers.com also has recipes that they share with the public.
Weight Watcher's Chicken Parmigiana
- 1 sprays olive oil cooking spray
- 1 pound uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast, thinly pounded (four 4-oz pieces)
- 2 large egg white(s), lightly beaten
- 1/2 cup dried bread crumbs
- 1 Tbsp Italian seasoning
- 1/2 tsp table salt, or to taste
- 1 tsp olive oil
- 1 1/2 cup canned tomato sauce
- 1/2 cup part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded
- 1 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 350ºF. Coat an 8-inch square pan with cooking spray.
- Place egg whites in a shallow bowl. Combine bread crumbs with Italian seasoning and salt; pour into another shallow bowl. Dip chicken in egg whites; turn to coat. Dip chicken in bread crumb mixture; turn to thoroughly coat.
- Coat a large skillet with cooking spray and add oil; heat over medium-high heat. When hot, add chicken and cook until lightly browned and no longer pink in center, about 4 minutes per side.
- Pour 1/2 cup of sauce into prepared baking dish; place chicken in dish and pour remaining sauce evenly over chicken. Sprinkle with cheeses and bake until chicken is cooked through and cheese is bubbly, about 25 minutes.
- Mood: sore
I've been feeling energetic and generallly really good today. I think because I've been eating better with more veggies and fruits, inestad of McDonalds and Taco Bell. Both of those resturants are near my apartment and I used to eat from those two places all the time. Today I was driving by the Mcdonalds and I caught a whiff of that deep fried burger heaven. I almost threw my diet out the window and turned into there to indulge in large fries and a Big Mac. But then I thought about everything that I got done today. I cleaned my house, I cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner and went grocery shopping. Before I would have never had the energy to get all those things done. I used to think it was my depression that slowed me down but I guess it was just the take out.
Speaking of my depression, I've also felt happier today than I've felt in a long time. I woke up this morning ready to greet the day. That hasn't happened in months. I never thought that food could influnence you mood and energy so drastically like that. I'm going to hang on to the feeling I have today because that's what motivated me to drive by the Mickey D's and stay on plan.
Tomorrow, I go back to school. When classes are in session, my days fill up with papers and homework. I have zero time so does my husband. Preparing for this, I looked up some fast recipes to make that looked good so I won't be tempted to go to my old routine ordering late night take out. I'm also going to start including some exercise tomorrow. I have a class in the morning and work at night so it'll be interesting.
- Mood:
energetic
Weight watchers has 2 diet plans that you can do the Flex and the Core plans. I choose the Flex Plan because I felt that I really needed help in watching what I ate. On the Flex plan, I was given 39 points a day and 35 points to use through out the week. I have to figure what the point value is for what I ate and subtract it from my daily points. I was given a small journal so I can record exactly what I'm eating. So far I've used 11 points and there's still dinner to go.
This plan seems pretty painless and something I can easily do. The leader told us newcomers that we won't be counting points for everything every time. Pretty soon, you'll have it by memory. I believe that seeing as how that I have already memorized couple of food's point value. They gave me a little sliding tracker so I can figure out how many points a food equals. I've been going on various resturant's websites to figure out how many points certain foods I've been eating in the past. I found that I was eating anywhere from 26 to 34 points worth of food per meal! That was a big eye opener.
I'm really excited to be starting. I just hope that enthusiasm last me through to my ultimate goal.
- Mood: excited
I always have been the fat girl. As a child I got made fun of at school because of my weight. I was taunted with "Watch out, she'll sit on you" ,"Hey Thunderthighs" and Mooing. There wasn't much support at home either. My two younger sisters have always been thin. When ever I out grew something, it was at least 5 or 6 sizes bigger than my younger sister who is three years my junior. My parents never hesitated to point out my weight. While my sisters could eat as much as they wanted without my parents saying anything (sometimes they got encouragement to eat more), if I had seconds, they would always tell me, "Don't you think you've had enough?" or "Stop eating and go do something else". I felt so hurt about this, I started sneaking extra food into my room and eating it, even when I wasn't hungry.
You would think that would be the worst of it but it really wasn't. My teenage years were a living hell because Even though I've had the symptoms of Depression since I was 12, I wasn't diagonosed until I was 18 . I starting watching a lot of MTV. While that fueled my dream of one day being on television it also made me feel worse about my weight. My favorate program was MTV's Spring Break but seeing the bikini clad skinny VJ's surrounded by a cheering, adoring crowd just made me feel even worse about my weight. I would try to watch what I ate and went to the gym as often as I could but after all that effort I wouldn't see any weight loss then I would eat 2 bowlfuls of Ice Cream. I would go through this cycle off and on until my high school graduation.
I moved to a small town to go to college.The town seemed to be dreary and depressing with a constant black cloud over it even on the sunniest days. I don't know if it was the town or the fact that I had never been away from home for so long but my depression really flared up. My grades fell sharply with every semester, I hardly left my dorm room and I ate all the time. My weight went up and up. I went from a size 18 to a size 22 before I left the town and moved back to my home city.
All was not well however, I still refused to get help for my depression because I was convinced that the drugs would make me crazier than I ready am. I holed myself up in my apartment, seldom saw anyone and constantly ate. Last year I was drving down a highway coming back after being fired from my fourth job for the same reason the other 3 employers gave me because I was "too emotional and unable to handle stress" and I suddenly screamed "I'm tired of this!" I was tired of being fired, tired of feeling blue, tired of my life in general. Suddenly I realized I needed help for my depression. That afternoon I made an appointment with my doctor and told her my story. She perscribed an Anti Depressant but also raised a new concern. "Your weight is 306. I would like for you to start trying to lose some weight" I was shocked that I was that heavy but I deal with it by denying it. Over the next year, I didn't do anything about my weight and convinced myself I was fine even when I gained another 10 pounds.
Then over christmas I was shopping with my sisters and the next day my knees ached and even swelled a little. My mother in law had to have her knees replaced because of her weight and this was a serious wake up call. I didn't want to lose my knees at the age of 23. I knew right then and there that it was time to do something about my weight. but like my depression I knew I couldn't lose weight on my own so I looked at various programs and chose weight watchers.
The reason this entry is called the day before is because I finally have enough money to get started. Tomorrow, I sign up and get started on healthy new me. I started this journal so that way I would have one more way to keep myself accountable.
Since I start tomorrow, tonight I'm going to have one last hurrah. I love big, greasy cheeseburgers so I'm going out to Stake n Shake and have a Double cheeseburger, Chili Cheese fries, a Coke and a Shake. I sigh thinking about how I won't a meal like that again for a while but if it means I can keep my knees it's worth it.
- Mood: optimistic
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